That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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