I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
