i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
