gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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