There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
