just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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