Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
