just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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