i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
