I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
