Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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