We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
