he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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