Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
