If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
