i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
