i barfeds in our rink
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
