The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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