I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
