Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
