your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
