I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
