In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
