I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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