What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
