Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
