There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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