Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
