M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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