My pussy is not your playground.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
