Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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