We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There's even glitter on my cock...
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