Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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