I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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