Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
