Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
