i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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