Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what day is it and did you see me today?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
