It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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