oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sext me about skeletons
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
