my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
