I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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