saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
