well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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