ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
