I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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