Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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