Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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