I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
