when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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