Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
