I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
