i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
