sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
