Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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